Insomnia

 

6 AM, pitch dark outside, the first alarm on my phone goes off and I am switching it to snooze…..

6.05 AM, the second alarm goes off – with the same result….

6.08 AM, the first repeat alarm goes off….

OK, I give up…., I have to get up….

 

Getting up early has never been my thing.

I am in Juniskär, in the Swedish Norrland, looking after the clinic of some German friends.

It is the middle of December, and work is starting every morning at 7.30 AM.

At this time of the year, we will have 5 hours of daylight, if we are lucky and if the sky is clear…..which it is not on most days….

Daily Vitamin D supplementation is vital here.

I am driving to work in the dark, I am returning home in the dark.

Matters are not improved by the fact that we had some unseasonably warm weather, that melted away the little snow we had, just leaving a frozen landscape and roads covered with black ice.

Luckily, my SUV has spike tyres.

With so many hours of darkness, one would assume that at least there should be enough opportunity to get enough sleep.

But somehow, this is not happening and I find, that I have to get by with not more than four of five hours per night.

 

Insomnia – the scourge of my profession, paradoxically often caused by long working hours, by self doubt, by the constant mental reviewing of clinical decisions, by the worry about individual patients, unhappy clients, stressed work colleagues.

Insomnia – the restless travel companion of depression, of unhappiness and of an unhealthy lifestyle fuelled by caffeine and too many sweets (especially at this time of the year).

Insomnia – also the title of undoubtedly one of the greatest dance tunes and one of the most motivating soundtracks of all times…

Exactly 30 years ago Maxi Jazz rapped for the first time : “I can’t get no sleep!”,

and what apparently took only 20 minutes to write and another 25 minutes to compose, turned out to be an everlasting stroke of genius, enjoyed on the dance floors, in the gyms or on the running tracks around the world.

Faithless most iconic soundtrack, remastered numerous times and already in the first year of its release available as a Monster, a Moody and a Tuff Mix, this song has never lost its ultra-modern feel.

Both lyrics and vocals are basic, the composition is engaging, and the message is clear: “Anything – just no sleep !”

While this is exactly what you need in the early hours on the dance floor, this song gets your also over the line during a fast run or a hard work out in the gym and while the inventory of the fridge of the protagonist might not reflect the one in your own kitchen, the song communicates a frequent state of mind of myself and of many of my veterinary colleagues.

Living in a permanent state of exhaustion and lack of sleep, we are struggling to grab the opportunities for decent rest when they arise. The clinical decisions we had made, but were not sure about, are difficult to shake off, the conversations we have had with unsatisfied clients are reviewed again and again in our mind, the financial concerns caused by an uncertain income stream that is met by constant and steadily increasing overheads, as well as the perennial demands of leading or of aiming to be a valuable member of a team – these are all issues that can keep you awake at night and that might deny you the remaining few hours you might get.

Thankfully, it is something I have learned to handle well. Following a regular circadian rhythm is for me not a basic requirement and I can function without much sleep – a god sent especially if working night shifts – and my mantra is, that if I can’t sleep one night, I will have a better chance the following one. And somehow, I will get through the day.

It is also a question of lowering your expectations – if you constantly aim for 8 – 10 hours of deep sleep, don’t be surprised if you will be disappointed.

On a few occasions, I wrap up well and go for a nocturnal run along the abandoned, icy road in-front of my house. The tarmac is reflecting the cold, yet gentle light of the moon. There is no other sound than that of my breath and that of my trainers on the frozen ground.

When returning home, frozen despite my track suit, I take a shower and go to bed and…. you bet that “I can get some sleep !”